i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
