i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize