Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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