There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
