The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
