just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize