I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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