Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
