Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
