The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
they need to just BURY HIM!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
