I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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