I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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