It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
