I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
