she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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