remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
