I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
