Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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