Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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