There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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