Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
