Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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