standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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