I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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