Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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