If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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