i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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