Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
