Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Someone came in the potted fern
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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