the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
