It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize