Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
