Quick, to the slutcave!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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