Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
