i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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