your parents love me but you hate me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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