Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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