It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
