Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
