FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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