kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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