I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
