Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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