end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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