Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
