I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
