i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
