I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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