now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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