You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
