I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
