Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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