and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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