Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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