I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
