cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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