I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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