i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
