She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
