Me too!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
