I should be sponsored by Trojan
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
