Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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