Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
