you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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