i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
