Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
