oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
