and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
