it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
